What Does It Mean When They Say I Never Call Them?

Help me, Blunt BFF, help!

- Kelly, 28 and confused

Hi Kelly

“You say you’ve called me, but you haven’t”

Facts are facts in friendships, and perhaps yours or her memory of events are at war. She thinks you don’t contact her, when it might be the other way around. You may think something different. It’s possible your friend has noticed that you don’t call or message that often. Or as often as she would like you to.

“You don’t call me when I need you.”

Some people think we are mind readers. They think we will be there for them even when we don’t know that they’re suffering. This can be a cry for help, indicating that you need to be around more than you are now. It’s tough to know when your friend is hurting when you aren’t around.

“You aren’t being a good friend”

The definition of a good friend varies from person to person. Everyone has their own unique measuring stick of what constitutes friendship behaviour.

What can you do?

Evaluate your actions

You can’t do anything to control what she does.

Change your behaviour

If you think what she is saying has any merit, act on her concerns. If you think you really don’t put in the effort with your friendship, now is the time to take what your friend is saying and rectify your actions.

Rethink what is important to you

Most of us hate it when someone says you’re not doing enough in a relationship. The result can often result in the opposite of what we’re hoping to achieve: distance. The person can run the other way, ignore you, or take offence.

Be honest with them

This conversation isn’t what everyone wants to do, but it’s necessary. This is when you need your big boy/girl pants on.

Don’t beat yourself up

You won’t please everyone, so don’t try to.

Your Blunt BFF

Relationships. Drama. Gossip. Innuendo. Bad Dates. Failures. Learning about life/business/love the hard way// https://ellenjellymcrae.com/

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store