She Said She’s Fine, But I’m No Fool

Or Am I? Help Me, Blunt BFF

Dear Peter

Women using the word ‘fine’ when things aren’t fine is a cliche. The world has accused us of masking hurt, anger and frustration with ‘fine’. Hollywood films and romance novels accuse us of using passive-aggressive communication. Phrases that leave men scratching their heads.

Remember, you’ve already won

Thanks to the code word ‘fine’, you’ve already got a red flag when things are turning sour. She is telling you she’s not happy. Instead of hanging your head in misery about it, think of it as a positive.

Consider the immediate past

This style of anger is pertinent to event situations. Something that’s happened in the last twenty-four to forty-eight hours. Reflection over what has transpired in the last few days will benefit you.

Look to the calendar

Don’t be the idiot who has forgotten a birthday or an anniversary. Check the calendar and make sure you haven’t missed an important celebration. Don’t dismiss the anti-celebration. Perhaps a significant death anniversary is upcoming or passed. Maybe this time of year is challenging, for certain reasons, and you’ve missed it.

Don’t look at the calendar

That time of the month is not a valid reason for your partner to be angry at you, and nor should they take it out on you. Yet, most women don’t withdraw or present this style of anger you’re experiencing because of their period.

Schedule a sit-down

Most angry people want to be heard. They want to know they’re being listened to and respected. Asking if she’s ok when she’s on her way out the door, or during the middle of her favourite television show, doesn’t show respect.

You should know by the way

Your sit down may not go the way you think. Your partner might declare that ‘you should know’ what is wrong. And maybe that’s true. You should have worked it out by now, especially after the fight you had, or the birthday you forgot.

Change the communication

When the dust settles, and you’re in a better place, work on better strategies of communication than ‘fine’. It drives you up the wall and it isn’t helpful to growing as a couple. It doesn’t serve her either.


You aren’t screwed, by the way. If she wanted to break up with you, she will have by now.

Your Blunt BFF

Relationships. Drama. Gossip. Innuendo. Bad Dates. Failures. Learning about life/business/love the hard way//

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store