“Dear Blunt BFF
Is my girlfriend cheating on me?
My girlfriend has always been remarkably open about her life. She has always left her phone around in front of me, let me borrow it to make calls, and even offered it for maps when we go driving. There is no secrecy over her device.
All of a sudden, she has a passcode on her phone. A big, eight-digit code that is hard to remember if you happen to overlook. She has also set up Face ID. For the four years I have known her, she hasn’t once fussed about her phone security. Up until now.
The red flag for me was the way she declared she had added a passcode to her phone, but not told me the code. She blamed the need for work, saying her boss told everyone to better their privacy if they had work emails on their phone.
But if it was for work reasons, what would be the harm in me having the code?
What’s worse is that I’ve always had a passcode on my phone and she has free access to it.
We’ve been talking about moving in together recently, but part of me doesn’t feel like I can trust her.”
Blunt BFF Verdict: 50% Certainty Of Cheating
The Blunt Reasons Why: Passcode Secrecy
I can’t ignore the way she has abruptly added the passcode but not given you the details. If it truly was for work, then there shouldn’t be any issues with you having the code. In fact, in case of an emergency, you should have it. You may need to access information to help her/save her.
It isn’t unreasonable for her work to have requested their staff to secure their information. But this request might not be true, and you have no way of proving otherwise. Unless you work there too or you have someone from the office you can ask.
Even if the work request is true, it could be a convenient cover-up from hiding her life from you. Sometimes as cheaters, the excuses fall into our lap without having to make much effort.
The 50% Chance She Isn’t
You might have stuffed up on the passcode
If you had to put money on the fact she hasn’t told you the passcode, how much would you bet? Could you honestly bet a big sum of cash on the fact she didn’t tell you and you weren’t listening?
She may not have said the numbers, but she may have told you what the passcode is. It could be a word or a significant date. You would feel pretty awful if the code happened to be your anniversary.
I’ve accused lovers of not being truthful when they can recount the exact moment they told me. Down to what I was wearing and doing at the time.
What You Can Do With Your Cheating Suspicion
Ask her for the passcode
If you think she’s being evasive and hiding something on her phone, ask to use her phone. Whilst I don’t advocate testing her, it clarifies whether you should have known the code or not. Or you can ask her what the code is, as cooly as that.
Be ready with the fact she might ask why you want it. If she is cheating on you, more than likely she will ask why. When my husband asks for my phone, I rarely ask why. If I’m using my phone at the time, I question the urgency, only because I’m using the phone. But if I’m not, my phone might as well be his phone.
What Do You Do If She Refuses To Give It To You?
Ask her why you can’t have it
If she denies you access, and she won’t provide the code, your suspicion will intensify. Here is your opportunity to ask why, and see what her reasoning is for restricting access to you.
This is your chance to clarify your doubts. It can be an opportunity to broach the subject of her sudden security changes.
Don’t accuse, but explain how it looks
You don’t want to throw around accusations of cheating because she doesn’t give you her passcode. The two events aren’t intrinsically linked.
We’re allowed to keep things private to us. But she needs to know that her behaviour doesn’t look favourable towards her, and it can be easily mistaken as cheating. Whilst she doesn’t need to explain herself, it would help her to understand your perspective of the situation.
Ellen @ Blunt BFF
If you’re going through, more than likely I’ve been there and bought the t-shirt!
I’m Ellen McRae, one of your Blunt BFFs, offering relationship lessons from my own chaotic experiences with love and friendship.
I’m a writer by trade and passionate storyteller by nature. My want is for a better opportunity for writers in an increasingly technology dominant world.