“Dear Blunt BFF,

Is my husband cheating on me?

I’ve found messages on my husband’s phone and now I’m worried he is cheating on me.

The messages are an exchange between him and another girl, whose name I haven’t heard of before. They weren’t in the text message section of his phone. They were in a secret chat app buried on the last page of his phone. Deep in a folder, too.

I didn’t get to read every one of them, but the recent messages were about meeting up. They were setting a time and place. A restaurant I didn’t know. He didn’t call her any pet names, like ‘babe’ or ‘cutie’, and neither did she.

We’ve been together for twelve years, married for two. I’m pregnant with our first and I’m worried what will happen if I confront him. Like most things in our life, pregnancy hormones and my emotions get blamed for our squabbles. If I say something I’m being ‘too irrational’.

Up until my pregnancy, we’ve had a good relationship. No major relationship-defining fights, and nothing to suggest either one of us would be unfaithful.”

— Rachel

Blunt BFF Verdict: 90% Certainty Of Cheating

The Blunt Reasons Why: Hiding The App

If he wasn’t cheating on you, he wouldn’t have the app hidden from you. He wouldn’t keep it buried away deep into his phone where you can’t find it. Even if it’s not physical cheating, say it’s emotional cheating, he is hiding it from you. The hiding is the concern.

Couples who have nothing to hide tell each other what is happening in their life. Generally, I say.

Change In Your Life

There is change going on in your life and that can trigger cheating. I’ve seen many men and women act out when a change in their life has happened and they weren’t ready for it. Even when plans go ahead, the reality can be too much.

It’s not an excuse, but it can serve as a reason to derail any logical person.

Pet Names In Real Life

Because there wasn’t any used on the app, doesn’t mean they aren’t engaging in flirting or using pet names used in real life. As a former cheater, I knew how to make electronic communication appear innocent. It’s the cheater’s prerogative; don’t get caught with your pants down.

The 10% Chance He’s Not

There could be a big surprise on the way for you, and he’s trying his best to hide it from you. This girl could be an event planner, planning a big baby shower for you. They could be meeting to run through the plans or inspect a location.

I’m trying to think your husband is a sweetheart and wouldn’t cheat on you when you’re pregnant. If this is the reality, then it’s a simple case of misunderstanding.

But I have to ask: why a secret app? Most professionals use email or calls to establish meetings, rarely weird messenger apps. But I could still be wrong.

What You Can Do With Your Cheating Suspicion

What you want to avoid is making a permanent decision on a temporary emotion. Or without the facts.

I want to stress that this an opinion based on the facts I have. There is always more to the story, even with damning evidence. Before you rightly fly off the handle (pregnant or not), and make any permanent decisions, it’s important to get your facts straight.

Don’t Go Snooping Again

Though you might have the urge to find more evidence, you will send yourself crazy with the ‘what if’. And you might find something you didn’t want or need to know. Resist the urge, as impossible as that may seem.

Ask Him

Yes, there may be a logical reason why he is meeting up with a female and hiding it from you. It could be for a surprise, or business-related, or something that he doesn’t want to worry you about. But you can’t make excuses for this without the facts. The only way you will get the facts is by asking.

This type of conversation will be unenjoyable, especially with the blaming of hormones. If you keep your conversation to facts, your husband can’t belittle your emotions.

And if he does try to blame your hormones, he isn’t worth your time. Educated parents-to-be understand what pregnancy hormones actually do to your body. They can distinguish the difference between what Hollywood tells us about pregnancy and reality.

A man who loves his pregnant wife doesn’t deflect the blame onto her when he’s the one doing something dodgy.

A Confrontation Comes With A Warning

As you have snooped through your husband’s phone, he may have something to say. The ‘breach of trust’ argument might enter the ring. By looking through his phone, you have done something to suggest you don’t trust him.

Be prepared for this to become an issue between you, whether he’s cheating or not. Though he may object to the way you handled this, a relationship is a two way street. Your snooping isn’t the reason for the situation.

Good luck,

Ellen @ The Blunt BFF

If you’re going through, more than likely I’ve been there and bought the t-shirt!

I’m Ellen McRae, your Blunt BFF, offering relationship lessons from my own chaotic experiences with love and friendship.

I’m a writer by trade and passionate storyteller by nature. My want is for a better opportunity for writers, especially fictional, in an increasingly technology dominant world. I write about figuring about love and relationships through fictional-reality.

The anecdotes might not always be true, but the lessons learned sure are!