How I avoided a life of misery, even though some of my friends weren’t so lucky

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The short answer is no.

We’re wise enough to know that the love fairy tale doesn’t exist. We know these are stories set in a land where people don’t age, evil people suffer in misery, and the heroes find happiness.

With our wisdom and dating maturity, we know the fairy tale doesn’t exist. So with this tiny part of cynicism instilled into us, we give up on the idea of finding “Mr/Miss Right”. And settle for “Mr/Miss Right Now”.

Too often we compromise more than we should. We give up on being with someone we’re attracted to, that makes us laugh, that treats us right, that gives us the respect we deserve. …


The polite breakup excuse we’ve come to rely on, and what we honestly mean

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At least, that’s what I told people when they asked me what happened between us. I avoided divulging all the undignified details of our fighting, cheating, and reciprocal torment.

Instead, I retreated to a polite conclusion. “Two different people” felt so convenient to say. It was a justification for our break up I could live with.

And everyone nodded. When I said those little words, the people before me would nod with equal polite understanding. I’m sure they imagined the arguments, having witnessed our bickering once or twice. …


And the reasons the people in your life don’t support your professional endeavours.

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I’m always taking from my real life. I’m describing events and people in my life. My emotional commentary comes from my experience. You could say I’m steadfast in the belief that I only speak about what I’ve experienced to be true.

I know others are the same. Outside of writing or creative pathways, those building a business aren’t immune. I met a woman who started creating baby clothes to support her sister’s desire for better infant fashion. Once the woman launched her business, do you think the sister bought from her?

No. Not a single dollar.

I can relate to this woman’s feeling. It would seem after years of writing, I can’t convince the people in my life to read my work. And now that I’m concentrating my narration to my experience, there is less support than ever. …


Analysing my experience to understand why online it’s becoming more harmful than ever

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We hide behind our keyboard and say what we want because we rarely come face to face with the people we ridicule.

There aren’t many among us who can say they haven’t been victim to some sort of online abuse. No matter how small or insignificant, we’ve all felt the sting of hate from the digital print.

Much like the abuse we’ve received, in some way we’ve all dealt a blow to someone else with our words. Whether intentional or not, we’ve ridiculed a person, business or celebrity. …


The ways to find love again and regain your self-esteem.

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Once you discover you’ve been cheated on, you feel lied to, hurt and destroyed. And what’s worse than the discovery of cheating is the realisation you need to move on.

This is the process of learning to trust again, learning to enjoy your relationships, and regain your ability to be happy within love.

From being cheated on, I wasn’t sure I could become whole again. ‘Would I ever stop looking over my shoulder?’ I would ask. Are all men going to hurt me? Will every man I ever date cheat on me?

I had to find a place where I would stop asking those questions. I had to find a place where I could accept that it happened and carry on with my life. …


And how I learned to it’s best to be cruel to be kind.

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But when you don’t know, my resolution isn’t so steadfast. Or that straightforward.

When I met John Wright, I didn’t know. I waited for the overwhelming butterfly feeling in my stomach. Or even the desire to feel them float through my body. But it never came. I wasn’t sure who this man was to me, or what I felt.

Making mistakes is natural when dating. I’ve forever learned the hard way about what I wanted, and who tickled my desires. But John didn’t seem to make a stir. And for a fleeting moment, I thought that meant something.

But when I realised I was on a pity date, that I had accepted his invitation to seem kind and open to possibility, I knew. I knew this wasn’t butterflies. …


The traits, quirks and behaviours my friends can’t get over when dating

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We like to think that anything our potential new partners throw at us we will accept and learn to love.

We convince ourselves that we have an accepting nature. That we aren’t the vain creatures Hollywood and romance novels portray us to be.

But alas, the human condition is otherwise. And despite our higher sense self, we all have our relationship deal breakers. The traits that send us packing before we’ve even given the other person a chance.

According to my friends, these issues are more the breakers, they are ‘deal destroyers’. …


And how a stock broker’s assistant taught me about expectation in relationships.

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“There’s no nobility in poverty.” ― Jordan Belfort, The Wolf of Wall Street

I met Anthony before he became a stockbroker’s assistant.

That’s how it usually works in stockbroking. You start by being the slave to the licenced and successful broker. You then work your behind off in the hope they like you enough to cut you in.

This is where Anthony started. At the bottom.

They promised him a life of wealth, easy riches, and a career that would never fail to get him whatever he wanted. Women, houses, cars, a sense of purpose. The stockbroking life was the only life he needed, the flourishing brokers promised.

But the moment he started working as a stockbroker’s assistant, our entire relationship changed. The dynamic shifted. His attitude towards me turned. Before I could wrap my head around it, there were three of us in the relationship. …


Why Do I Want To Put My Ex In His Place?

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He was explaining to my now-husband that despite my admirable qualities; he hated the aspiring side of my personality. The part of me that dreamed of “bigger things”.

The word ‘hated’ haunts me. Why did he date me if he hated part of my personality? A question I doubt I will ever have an answer too.

Yet, I admit the “bigger things” I aspired to achieve was bold compared to the life I was then living. I wanted to win an Oscar. As an actor. But at the time, I hadn’t starred in one movie, nor had I ever been an extra. …


How I’ve learned to say it, despite the difficulty with others respecting my decisions

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“Being alone has a power that very few people can handle.” -Steven Aitchison

I’ve learned the importance of the moments of solitude. Being alone with my own thoughts. Being physically alone as I’ve gone through life. It took some time, but the joy is immense.

Sometimes I want to relish in these moments. Yet sometimes the solitude I seek is for survival. Through my darkest days, when I need every inch of my cognitive functioning, alone can feel right.

When people become triggers, when they become people who hold me back, I know I need space from them.

And I need to ask people to be alone. I need to ask people for space, time, and understanding. …

About

Ellen McRae

Relationships. Drama. Gossip. Innuendo. Bad Dates. Failures. Learning about life/business/love the hard way. // instagram.com/ellenjellymcrae/

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